moving on

2008 has been a really crappy year. unfortunately....i said the same thing about 2005, 2006 and 2007. but for different reasons. the past 3 years have been crappy on a more personal level. 2008 seemed to be crappy for everyone.

first of all...the world. ugh. we have completely destroyed our earth. our gluttonous selves have kept taking and taking and taking from it; and whereas people are starting to give back more now than in the past...i think we waited too long. its sad, because i believe so many people are sick from all of the crap in the environment. we really have screwed ourselves.

then there is all of the fighting. its been going on since the beginning of time, and im pretty confident will continue to go on. even if we lived in a peaceful world...there would be some sort of conflict. but the levels which are going on right now...is ridiculous. my dad will ask me "how can you not know whats going on in israel?" quite simple. i dont watch the news. of course i know the general gist....but i honestly dont watch or read about the details. frankly...i find my small world to be depressing enough. every time i put the news on, (ok...i guess i do sometimes pay attention!)....i only hear bad, bad, bad and then i get depressed. seriously...i cant remember the last time i heard something good on the news. what really boggles my mind.....is how so many people have so much time and energy to "hate". it takes A LOT of energy to put forth in hating as much as these people do. i barely have time to pee during the day, let alone plan, plot and scheme all of this destruction. ive said this a million times before, and ill say it again. i can only imagine what a wonderful world we could all live in, if all of these people took their time and energy they put in to all of this hate...and put it in to something positive. imagine! the possibilities are just breathtaking!

lets not forget about our economy. (as if we could forget!) it totally freaks me out that the american people actually voted bush into office. i can maybe see this in a dictatorship; but we actually voted him in by choice! (and by the way...."we" doesnt mean me!) im so saddened by how many people are totally suffering because of the economy. ive always seen sad stories on the news, but have never really seen it personally impact me or my friends. i have many smart and successful friends who have lost so much this year. the sheer magnitude of how many people have been affected by this economy is staggering. and ridiculously sad.

the thing that most affected me this year, is all of the sickness and death i have seen. is it because im getting older and thats what happens when you get older? is it because there is more disease now than ever before? is it because im in a situation where i meet really sick people every day???? i know the answer to this question. its all of the above. i remember being young and hearing about people being sick and seeing my some of my parents friends die. but it was so scattered here and there. certainly not like i see now. im 40. it sounds old to me. but i know its not. and im seeing so many people in my age bracket dying. people with young kids. and of course...they are all really great people who dont deserve it. those terrorists i mention a few paragraphs above? doesnt it make more sense for the people who have no respect for other peoples lives, and people who are willing to strap a bomb on to their own body to be the ones to get nasty diseases. not that i wish disease upon anyone...because i dont! all im saying, is that if i were g-d, and looked down at my options...i think id make different choices.

of course its not all doom and gloom. although 2008 sucked in many ways, it doesnt mean there wasnt also a lot of joy and happiness. its not like ive walked around being depressed for 12 months! i have learned to appreciate every breath and every moment i have been given. i am grateful for the medications which keep me alive. i appreciate the friendships i have made with people who are going thru the same things as i am. i am thankful for every day i get to cuddle and kiss my 13 year old dog, and try to remember that it doesnt matter that he peed on the carpet...just as long as i get to kiss his nose a million times a day. i know that every day i see my sons face is a special occasion. each new phase i see him go thru is a treasure. the love of my husband and family is unparalleled. the love and dedication of my many amazing friends, both old and new. these are ALL gifts. and no matter how crappy 2008 was, these are things that cannot be taken away. 

so...its the second day into the new year. i hope and pray that 2009 brings some positive changes for everyone. we have a new president who will soon take office. i think everyone will agree that we, as a nation, are optimistic and eager to see what this new government will bring. the future looks bright. and i am reminded, as i sit in my kitchen typing this; by a sign that hangs over my sink...

"cherish yesterday....dream tomorrow.....live today!"