hayden sad

my not quite 4 year old son is my favorite thing in the world. and hes a pretty sweet kid. except for when hes not. i know hes doing his job when he does the complete opposite thing i ask him to do. he thinks its sooo funny. it pisses me off. we do many "projects" together. (he likes to call anything we do a "project"). and i love doing this stuff with him, because it lets me dig into the crayon box and play too! he absolutely gets his creative streak from me. (sorry, dan. maybe one day hell know what a baseball is!)

anyway. a few days ago we were doing valentines day "projects". he was coloring on the table. i asked him to not do that...and to color on paper only. but he thought it was funny that as i talked with him, he was coloring on the table with a piece of paper over it...so i couldnt see him doing it. it was obvious. and he was just smiling as he did it. so..i got angry and raised my voice. of course i always feel like the worst mother when i start to yell at my kid. but honestly...im not a "spanker", time out outs dont phase him too much, and he generally doesnt care when i raise my voice either. i know. frustrating as hell.

so...i walked away. i told him if he wasnt going to cooperate, i was not going to do this project with him. he whined. and cried. wanted me to come back. and he whined some more. i stood my ground, and ignored him as i checked my e mail. 

so after a brief ban from the table, i told him he could draw, but that i would not do it with him. so he did. and i was absorbed into something really important, like facebook or computer games. ya know...the stuff in life that really counts, right?!

he always asks me how to spell words. obscure words, like sushi, california roll, important, etc. (the food words were from the sushi menu he was making up). so...he asked me, "mommie....how do you spell sad?" of course i was in a very important game of "pathwords", and didnt think anything of it, and said to him, while glued on the computer, "s-a-d". honestly...he asks me to spell tons of word that he writes down. i didnt have my therapist thinking cap on that day, and didnt put 2 and 2 together. and this is what he showed me.

my heart melted. i saw what it said, but i asked him to read it to me. his response was, "no...you read it". now i felt like the biggest jackass. like joan crawford on a bad day! i was a terrible mommie. so i scooped him up, and planted a million kisses on him. i told him he was the sweetest and greatest kid. but that it is not acceptable to disrespect mommies wishes. if i say not to do something...it means dont do it! a simple request...which honestly...i dont think any kid has mastered. he wrote this note on the back of the valentines day card he drew for my mother in law. i cant send it to her; because i have to keep this one. thankfully, it will be kept in a box which contains mostly. "i love you mom"'s, mixed in with a few "projects" with words like "shrimp", "symphony", "steves deli", or drawings of musical notes and hearts.