LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE L-O-V-E !!!

last week i attended a mother/daughter cancer fundraiser. i would have attended this event regardless of the guest speaker; but admit i was more interested in this one, because it was geralyn lucas. she wrote a book called, "why i wore lipstick to my mastectomy", and i always admired her.

i admit to being somewhat of a "stalker". i find lots of info on lots of different things , (mostly really obscure, ridiculous, trivial and useless things), via the internet. but with geralyn, i was a "stalker" for all the right reasons. i had googled her in the past and learned a lot about her story. i find her to be an incredible role model and i just really liked her.

so we go to the event, and even tho geralyn claims she doesnt look like she does on her book cover; i immediately recognize her. she is as beautiful in real life as she is on her book cover. im obviously going to meet her. how could i not? but first i had to say "hiiiiiiiiiii, how aaaaaaaaaare you?" to all of the yentas there. and then i have to shop at the little boutiques. (i mean, a girl has to have her priorities in order, right?) but when im done...i get in line to meet geralyn. i never wait in line. i cant stand it. and i generally never really care to go out of my way to meet anyone famous or well known either. i never understood that...(or autographs either). when people say, "the president is coming to town and we can go meet him at ...blah blah blah...", my response is, "who the hell wants to meet the president?" maybe im jaded from living in LA. i dunno. all i know, is that i dont find it necessary to wait in a line to meet someone; but geralyn is an exception. and i tell her this as soon as it is my turn to meet her. she is honored! she cries! we hug! and i immediately just adore this girl. i wish i had another 15 hours with her, because we could have gone on and on and on. i think i like her so much, because she is sooo much like myself! and we all know how much i love myself....(with the exception of some physical traits!) so we chat and i tell her my abbreviated story, and we discuss some of the parallels in our lives. we are both mothers, writers, speakers, and young cancer survivors and advocates. we both have sons named "hayden" who are exactly a year apart. yeah...there are some differences. she speaks all over the world... i speak at local events. her book is a best seller....mine is still in my computer. she was a guest on "the view" ...and i watch that show! she wears lipstick...and me? not so much. but we bond and she tells me that im her hero, (as if!!!!) and i need to write my book. she says that it will help a tremendous amount of people, and that she wants to link my blog to her website and will help me with whatever i need to get my story out. now, i know how busy i am with letters i get from people, so i can only imagine what she has going on. i think she is as genuine as they come. the real deal. but i also think that she, like myself, bonds very easily with people. i also think we both want to help EVERYONE. i also know that even tho i WANT to do so...it isnt humanly possible. this is one of the reasons why she wrote her book. she had too many people to help, and the book was a good way to do it on a mass scale. so...no....i dont think shell have the time to hang out with me and my best friend or anything, (even tho i looooooooove her soooooooo much!) but she did inspire me to maybe get off my ass and start writing. i encourage everyone to buy her amazing book

ok...so as good as that is....its not even the most relevant part of this story. (i hope youre not bored yet! its almost over...i promise. 

at the end of geralyns amazing speech...SHE MENTIONS ME AND ASKS WHERE I AM IN THE AUDIENCE! i wave my arms and she gives me a nice shout out. i was floored. how honored am i? ok...but even THAT is not why this story is so inspirational to me.

afterwards, a girl comes running over to me, "lori! do you remember me?" ok...i knew she looked familiar. i just couldnt place it. it turns out...she is natalie. a girl i met at karmanos a few years ago. now i have to pause this story for a little background info on natalie. when i was first a patient at karmanos, a nurse asked me if i was interested in donating a tube of blood at each appointment, for a study. i was told there was a young girl who was passionate about finding an early detection for ovarian cancer, and was using blood to find a common link in people with ovarian cancer. of course i agree to be in the study. i want to help these people find a cure for our future!!! so...in walks a drop dead beautiful, skinny young girl. you know...the kind of girl you want to dislike, because shes so perfect. but you cant dislike natalie....because she is as sweet as she is beautiful. and this is how i met natalie.

fast forward to when she comes running up to me, (with her ridiculously beautiful identical twin sister in tow), and in a long, seemingly never ending run on sentence...she says, "lori, do you remember me?....natalie from the genetics dept at karmanos....i always thought about you...you were such an amazing person and so inspiring...always so upbeat...great attitude...and i wondered how your son was...and i always hoped to see you again.....I WAS DIAGNOSED LAST WEEK WITH BREAST CANCER AND IM HAVING SURGERY NEXT WEEK!!!!! " now shes crying. im stunned. she says all of this in one breath. and she has cancer? im. just. stunned! she goes on to tell me that she always wanted to contact me, but couldnt because of the HIPPA laws. but as a medical sales rep, she happened to call on my sister in law, (who is a doctor). lisa, (my sis-in-law) learns she used to work at karmanos, and asked if she knows me. of course she does, and she tells lisa to say hi to me, etc. (which, by the way, lisa does tell me). im flabergasted. at this event, i happened to be talking to my friend robyn and her friend kim when natalie ran up to me. both robyn and kim are young breast cancer suvivors. i say, "natalie! youre going to be fine! look at these girls here. theyre doing great! theyve have had chemo and surgery and reconstruction...and robyn is even pregnant!!!! and i (unfortunately) know MANY other young girls who i can introduce you to. youre never alone and you are going to be OK!" i am obviously NOT happy to hear that natalie has cancer. but i AM happy that she found me, along with a huge "young cancer" support system. and geralyn even gave natalie her own personal tube of lipstick to wear to her mastectomy. (chanel!)

so...this is what i find so incredible. the whole sequence of events that day are too "perfect" to be just a coincidence. first, because geralyn and i share so many similarities, we totally connect and she tells me that i must write my book; and by doing so...it will help many other people going thru this experience. then she mentions me in her speech, and natalie instantly knew she was talking about me. and then natalie finds me after wanting to connect with me for so long. there were over 700 people there that day. chances are i would never have connected with natalie if geralyn didnt mention me. i just find it totally amazing, inspirational and it gives me goosebumps. its this weird connection that young cancer survivors share. i dont believe in this as being a coincidence. this was kismet in its finest form. i hate having cancer. but i love the connections i have made from it!

did i just have mud slung at me?

i just saw a commercial for the obama campaign. it was listing reasons to not vote for mccain. this is what i saw on the tv.

mccain "has had cancer 4 times"

ok....regardless of which party was dumb enough to make this comment is irrelevant. am i supposed to think that somebody is not capable of something because they have had cancer in the past? kinda pisses me off. not only does it indirectly criticize me; but it shows that ill have to deal with this sort of stupidity when i run for office in the future. 

political mud slinging...

im not very into politics, so i admit i sometimes talk out of my ass when i try to have conversations regarding it. i am however, aware of how the candidates like to bash each other constantly. ok...sometimes it is funny. and maybe its even true. but these are people who are trying to prove that they are the best and most qualified person to be the president of the united states. one of the most, if not thee most, powerful person in the world. the leader of our whole country! so whereas i find this bantering more entertaining than anything else they have to say, i also have to question this behavior.

isnt it more honorable to win the peoples vote by discussing why youre the best person for the position, as opposed to why the other person isnt the best candidate? if i was, (or my rich friends were), spending millions of dollars on advertising campaigns, dont i want to use those precious minutes to reach out to the american public and tell them what i can do for them and why? i understand the rivalry, but i cant help but compare it to two obnoxious kids on the playground. it just seems so...so...hmmm? immature and trivial? personally, i want my leader to be strong enough to win based on what he or she can do for my country. is it so bad to be confident enough in your own abilities, that you dont have to put other people down in order to make yourself look better? i mean...maybe a pig in lipstick is still a pig. but whatever. who cares? yes...i find the whole thing somewhat humorous. but seriously....what does this have to do with being the best candidate for president?

and just for the record...im not picking sides here. i think all politicians suck. maybe not all equally...but for the most part they all suck to some extent. i still think the world would be a better place if i were president. but that a whooole other post for another time! lets just say i would start out with the white house. it would be re-decorated. and it wouldn't be white.

on your lazy boys!.....get your remotes!....GO!!!

i just got back from the "walk for friendship" event. its a wonderful event to raise money for children with special needs; and we went to support our friends, dani, greg and brodie. it was really inspiring and amazing. and im E X H A U S T E D!!!! why am i exhausted you ask? did the "walk" tire me out? um.....no....not exactly. i mean...i did walk. after all; i had to get from my car to the snow cone line somehow. but as far as the real "walk"? well...if youre reading this; than you must know me in some shape or form. and you would know im not a fan of any sort of physical exertion.

so, ive already discussed this in depth with many people, but ive never blogged about it. so here it goes. again.

this time of year we are inundated with requests for donations for various charities and organizations. we are always more than happy to whip out our checkbook to help out. they are all great causes, they all involve our friends, and most importantly...its something we are fortunate enough to be able to do and we feel good about contributing. i am very involved in the "relay for life" cancer event; so i know first hand how much these things mean to everyone with their own personal causes. but none of this actually has anything to do with my point, so ill skip the sentimental mushy stuff and get right to it.

what i want to know, and what i always ask, is "why do all of these events always include some sort of athletic endeavor?" there are the mile walks, 5 mile walks, walking around a track for 24 hours walks. then there are the runs, marathons and the bike rides. i "get" it. i mean...i really do. i "get" the whole comeraderie thing, and pulling together as a team thing, the bonding thing and the feeling of accomplishment thing. my friend ellyn is gearing up for her 3 day, 60 mile walk. so is my friend pam. WTF!!!! 60 miles!!!! walking? i told ellyn that i think 60 miles is too far to drive, let alone walk! ellyn, a breast cancer survivor, writes in her blog, "I know the 60 miles will be tough but I’ve travelled a tougher road, and I feel stronger than ever." when i read that...i do "get" it. and i have so much respect for ellyn, pam and the thousands of people who chose to do this. its incredibly honorable. however...i still think they are out of their fucking minds! i cant think of anything more torturous than walking for 3 days. and to top it off...they sleep in tents! even if they put me up in a ritz carlton with full spa package? um...NO!

so of course i wouldnt want to nix the athletic events and have no back up plan. so heres mine. i would like to do a tv-athon for cancer. seriously. for reals. i understand the comraderie that comes with a group of people coming together to walk for a cause. but why cant we all bond over something more enjoyable...like sitting on big comfy sofas and watching movies? popcorn, drinks, raisinettes. all of the movie theater essentials! i really think that not only would it work; but that it would be incredibly popular. and lets face it...people are going to donate to a cause regardless of what the activity is. (or in this case..."non-activity.") anyway...my two cents. if you ever come across an event like this....just remember. you heard it here first!

school daze

all of my life, the only thing i REALLY had to have, (aside from the horse that i never got) was children. there were certain "scenarios" which played out in my mind in respect to being a mother. of course they were always the "glorified" ones. it never occurred to me to daydream about the REAL life situations of having kids. (ill blame that one on youth, along with the idea that daydreaming should be more of a fantasy than reality anyway!) one of the scenarios which always ran thru my mind; was sending my kid to school. it seemed so cute! packing little lunches, waving as the bus picks up the kids, field trips, etc. anyway....school was one of the most prominent images in my mind of being a parent.

of course there are many things that didnt turn out the way i thought they would. for example...it never crossed my mind that hayden would be in the same exact school system that i grew up in. it never crossed my mind; because i never intended to live back in michigan! i assumed it would be in california and he would attend a school on the beach in malibu. yeah...whatever. a girl can dream, right? so hayden has officially started his 3 year old pre-school. its not his first time off to school, but it is his first time in the public school district. so what is my point for this post, you ask? well...there are two.

point #1...i get to revisit my own school days

i liked school. i know that sounds weird, but i liked shopping for new school clothes and going to different classes and seeing friends. dan says he hated school. maybe thats because he looked at school as a place to actually work and learn. if he would have used it more as a social networking place, maybe he would have enjoyed it more. duh! i had a good time in school. i wrote lots of notes to friends, learned a few academic things, and scored better grades by doing extra credit projects using my wonderful art skills. too bad they didnt offer those kind of extra credit assignments for gym and math class.

anyway...on fridays in haydens summer camp, they went to the school districts' lake/beach, which happens to be right behind my old middle school. there was a lake behind the school i attended for 3 years?!?! who knew? not me! i wish i could say i was too busy studying to know about any lake behind the school. but that wasnt the case. in fact... i would be the person who WOULD know about the lake. and i would have hid out there during gym class, instead of the bathroom. so, as i drove into the parking lot of my former middle school to drop hayden off at the beach; the memories came pouring back.

first you drive past the baseball field, soccer field and tennis courts. all places i avoided like the plague. i hated gym class. i hated sweating, i hated every sport, i hated being picked last for every team and i hated always being up to bat when the bases were loaded. and my gym teacher HATED me! (i did however manage to have really cute gym clothes though.) and then theres my most dreaded memory of gym class, (with the exception of swimming)...the running track. ugh, ugh, ugh. i still have nightmares about the mile and a half. i just couldnt run it. well...i could, but not in the time frame alloted. and you had to pass this test in order to graduate. that is...unless you had a doctors note. simple enough! i still remember the look on the gym teachers face when i handed her my doctors note excusing me from running the mile and a half. it was from my dad. gee...i wonder why she hated me so much?!?!?

as you drive past the sports section, there is another little parking lot. i said to my mom, "this is the first place i drove!" she remembered. i wasnt with her at that time. i was with my dad. i remember being scared to drive. but now looking at this huge lot; its difficult to imagine being nervous driving in a space this wide open! ahhhh...memories. youth. if only i knew then what i know now! (yup...i know...cliche)

point #2

glorified school visions vs. real life school realities

(yes...i realize that "real life school realities" isnt proper english. but if you were paying attention to point #1, then youd know that i was too busy having fun in school to learn proper english)

i lucked out in the parents department. they have been and continue to be the best parents anyone could ever have. but we certainly arent the "leave it to beaver" family. my dad worked a lot and wasnt home when i left to go to school. my mom got us out the door and she isnt exactly the coddling, martha stewart, "yes dear" type. i didnt have breakfast sitting on the table waiting for me when i went downstairs, (i recall getting an eggo waffle in a napkin on my way out the door to the bus stop). i didnt get perfectly cut sandwiches in my lunch bag, (mine were cut straight across...not on the diagonal), and i never had fun snacks, (i think i had fruit, and definitely never anything home baked...like cookies). nevertheless....i had a wonderful childhood and i was very, very, loved. so why am i thinking about this as i send my kid off to school? well...i have visions of gently waking hayden up and leisurely getting ready for school. i see us eating breakfast together at the table and chatting as i pack his snack and get his bag ready. i want to have all the school forms perfectly filled out and signed. i envision bringing in home baked treats to his class. of course my son would be perfectly cleaned and groomed and wearing some sort of cute school outfit. ummm, yeah. nice thought. but....

DING-A-LING-A-LING! yes...thats the "reality bell" you hear ringing. here is how my reality goes. i dont have to gingerly wake hayden up for school, because hes usually up and jumping on my bed before the sun even comes out. then i have to fight with him to get his breathing treatment done and to brush his teeth. in between this, i have to make sure i get my meds and my dog gets his meds and eye drops. lots of medications going on. (i once accidentally put one of willoughbys gall bladder pills in my mouth. i realized before swallowing it and spit a whole mouthful of water out all over my bed). getting hayden dressed is a chore. he wont stay still for a second while i try to wrangle his clothes on. then he has to change the outfit i pick out, into one that totally doesnt match. and the mismatched striped socks just add to the whole ensemble. breakfast never turns out as i had envisioned either. sitting at the table enjoying breakfast together? yeah...right! it usually entails me force feeding him while hes busy running around the living room. and as much as i have to fight to get hayden to eat his breakfast; it is equally challenging to get the animals to NOT eat it. when breakfast doesnt work...we take his toast in the car for the ride. i usually wind up eating it. and the cute little snacks i pack? well....he insists on drinking his juice box before we even get out of the garage. and his goldfish are usually smashed up inside his backpack when i pick him up. basically, by the time i get out of the garage, and get him into class....i look as if a tornado has hit me. when i pick him up....i get handed back the school papers i so carefully filled out, covered with highlighted yellow marker. this is pre-school...im not even the student, and im still getting papers back to correct. (yet another flashback to my school days.) and the home baked treats for his class? well....give me some time on that one. after all...hes only had 2 classes so far!

now that im a mom; i can totally see how my mom skipped the "leave it to beaver" phase. i can totally understand why she shoved an eggo waffle in my mitten as i ran out the door to the bus stop. maybe she at one time had the same romanticized notion of being that perfect "martha stewart" mom too; until real life got in the way. (knowing my mom as i do...i dont really see that being the case, but it does make for good creative writing!)

as i watch hayden go off to school and i sort of re-live my own school days; i am amazed how things work out. it truly has gone around full circle. hayden will one day have his memories of me sending him off to school. and he might even do the same when he grows up and drops my grandchildren off at school! i will try to polish up my "perfect parent" skills so i can leave him with impressive memories. but if it doesnt work out in real life, the way it does in my own minds' scenarios....thats ok! because not being june cleaver has nothing to do with how much i love my child. i might not be perfect, but i am trying! and when i do shove him out the door with an eggo waffle to go, it will be done with lots of love. just like my mom did for me!

my kid at emilys bat mitzvah

need i say more?