the stoopid things people say

i guess some people dont know what to say to you when you have cancer. im pretty open about it. there is nothing you couldnt say to me or ask me. in general; i dont get offended easily. i can joke about my situation. i also realize that not everybody is like that. many people are very serious. which...lets be honest....is totally understandable. but since i am an open book, i suppose i leave myself open for people to walk on in. but sometimes i really have to wonder about some people. are they clueless? do they say inappropriate things because they dont know what to say? or...are they just stupid?

i really should be keeping better track of these these, because some of them are just too good to forget. here is just a sampling....

a few weeks ago at chemo, i started talking to a lady and her mother who were sitting next to me. we talked about the stupid ass auto executives who flew their private jets out to beg and plead for money. i proceed to tell her how lame i think it is to do that when people are suffering and losing jobs, houses, etc... so...she says to me, (not having a clue where i live), "yeah...those people sit in their houses in ______(insert town where i grew up),  and dont really care." (or something to that extent). well...at this point, im kind of speechless. so i just say..."uh...errr...ummm...im out of this conversation." (and just for the record, those high paid executives? they aint living in that town.) so i change the subject. i asked what kind of cancer her mom has. lung cancer. yes...i suppose its a "bad" kind of cancer to have, as opposed to some other kinds. but as usual..i try to find something positive and inspiring to say. and there are lots of positive stories. so i say, " ya know, the guy who was just sitting next to me has stage 4 lung cancer. and hes doing great...hes in remission!" im not making this up. its true, and people always like to hear a good story when theyre sitting in a chemo chair. so she says to me, (totally not knowing what kind of cancer i have), "well...lung cancer...pancreatic cancer.... those are scary ones. the ones you dont want to have" and then she says as almost an afterthought, "and ovarian cancer. thats another bad kind of cancer to have." um...hello? i have ovarian cancer! i would never tell her that...(of course, unless she asked), because i wouldnt want to make her feel bad. or dumb! which quite frankly...she kinda sorta is. i just looked over at my dad...and he was just sort of looking away with a certain "look" on his face. the same look he had when she mentioned the town i grew up in. (which also by the way....is NOT where i live now. at least not exactly.)

the following week, i was in the same chair, but sitting next to a different lady, and i was with dan this time. i decided, (as i always do...yet fail to follow thru with), that this time i wasnt going to speak to anyone. and i didnt! but it didnt stop the lady next to me from listening to my conversation, and putting her two cents in. dan and i were discussing the port i was contemplating getting, to use for chemo. (a port is something they surgically put under your skin, which goes into a vein. its used to make it easier on the veins. the particular kind of drug we were considering, makes it necessary to use with a port.) so she says to dan, "dont get a port! i cant even use mine...its too painful!" well..ive had a port. it isnt painful to use. i had a problem with a blood clot and thats why it was removed. but what if i hadnt had a port before? and what if it wasnt an option, but a necessity for me to get one? and what if i was a newly diagnosed cancer patient, and actually listened to these people and decided to freak out about it? the thing is...im not a new cancer patient. so i very nicely gave her some info...that all she needed to do, was put a prescription cream on it to numb it, and she wouldnt feel a thing. so...ok...shes not the brightest bulb in the pack. so i continue my conversation with dan. only now...i am showing him the paper i get at this office, which shows my scheduled appointments. and on there...i notice it says, "ovarian cancer" and on the line below it, says "depression". i tell this to dan. im laughing, and i say, "depression? id say im pretty far from being depressed. maybe i should be depressed...but im not." to which this lady next to us says, (and i kid you not), "oh...you will be. trust me. i cried all morning and all the way over here." (!!!!!) ok...granted...i would be happier at disneyland than i would be sitting in a chemo room, and yes, i can see where people get depressed...and everyone has their ups and downs. BUT...i honestly think ive handled everything positively and been, for the most part, optimistic and upbeat. for example....i would never make a comment like that. i would try to say something positive to the person. dumb, dumb, dumb. really!...what a stupid thing to say to someone. but then she went on to tell us about her daughter who stole her car and she smacked her, etc...etc...etc.. and i realized...ok...cant really put too much merit in this whackadoodle.

but my favorite story, by far, is a comment that was made a few years ago. it will definitely be put in my book...just as soon as i get around to writing it. my mom and i saw a family friend in a parking lot and this person asked how i was doing. my response was, "really great....im in remission!" this persons response, was "oh...well...itll come back. it always does." for reals! this was the comment! my mom was pissed. me? i laughed. i just cant take comments like that seriously. dumb? yes! but truly....i happen to like this person and i know they like me. it wasnt said maliciously. i know they care about me. but yes...regardless....it was a stupid thing to say.

these are just some things that stick out in my mind. of course there are always the basics...when people say, "oh yeah...my (mom, sister, friend, aunts hairdresser, friends husbands mistress...whomever...) had ovarian cancer. she died". i get that a lot. (way to pep someone up!!! ) so...i dont let these comments phase me. i know people dont mean any harm by it. i sometimes think that people just dont know what to say. and of course there are the people who say, "ya know....i know someone who had stage 4 ovarian cancer and was only given 3 months to live...and that was 23 years ago." so not everybody is ignorant or negative, or just plain stupid. and serioulsy....dont you kinda sorta find a little bit of humor in it??